Shortly after Aaron got his first wristwatch—so, maybe age 7—he brought it to me asking about the scratches in the acrylic crystal. I said, more or less: “if your fingernail doesn’t stop in them when you drag it gently across them, then you can put a really small dab of toothpaste on the end of your pinkie finger and rub it gently in a circular motion a few times. Then wipe it away and see how you did. Do it again if you need to.”
A few minutes later he came back in the room and excitedly said “Daddy, it worked! I thought you were just getting rid of me!”
Wow. Had I really cultivated such a reaction in my young son? There is no reasonable answer other than that I had. That’s unvarnished truth. I remember laughing at the time. I don’t think it’s funny anymore.
I commented on guilt on LinkedIn, of all places, several months ago. I remarked that it had only recently become clearer to me how some people could marinate in guilt and never seem to escape it. I don’t do that, but I have to avoid it actively. It’s surprising and sobering how available those dark alleys are to me, and how deliberately I must step away sometimes.
Apologize, if it’s appropriate. Make someone whole, if it’s appropriate. And then make an honest effort to do better. It’s all we can do anyway.